Pappa wants mamma naked
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
