just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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