She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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