So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
