He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
