brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
