Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
