too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
