I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
