How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
