imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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