This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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