do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
