And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
