im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
