I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
