I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
