I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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