I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
