Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
