You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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