I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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