Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
