If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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