Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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