You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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