I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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