i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
