You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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