but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
