Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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