I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
