Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The uberlube is also flammable
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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