Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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