can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
