just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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