My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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