also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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