It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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