Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
