Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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