there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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