She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm too high and old for this...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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