I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
