Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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