We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
