i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
