forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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