I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
