Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
