The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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