I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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