Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
