It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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