What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize