There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
