Will you blow on my dice?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's the barista slut.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize