If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
