i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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