I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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