pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
