So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
