tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
