whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
