if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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