Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
