Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
