YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
