I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could punch you in the face.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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