we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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