I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
