What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
