I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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