dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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