One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
